Sitting alone in prison gives you a lot of time to think. Too much time. Enough time to make you mad.
It started with the famine. There was no food in all of Canaan, and when you have six sons and ten brothers with kids, you need a lot of food. So, we went to Egypt, the center of metropolitan life and well-being. They had food enough for several years stored up, and we were willing to pay anything for it. Better that than starve. So, Reuben, Levi, Judah, Isaachar, Zebulun, Gad, Asher, Dan, Naphtali, and I set out for Egypt. Benjamin wasn’t allowed to go with us. Dad was paranoid about letting his favorite son since Joseph out of his sight.
Yeah, I used to have eleven brothers. But, well… there was this whole incident with Joseph. You’ve probably heard about it. It wasn’t any of our best moment, but we beat him up, sold him to traders, and lied to our dad about it, saying he had been killed by wild animals.
But Pharaoh’s right-hand-man suspected us of being spies. We tried to explain that we were just brothers from a broken family who needed food, but he was not to be persuaded. Until he had visual evidence of the family back in Canaan, he wouldn’t believe us. So he made a deal: Nine of you will take food back to your father in Canaan, while one of you stays here with me. If you are who you say you are, you will return with your younger brother and I will restore your other brother to you. Then you will be free to go. But if you return without your younger brother, I will know that you are spies and you will be put to death.
And then he took me away from my brothers. He bound me as they watched. And he put me in prison.
So, here I am. In prison. Alone. Afraid. Confused. Anxious.
What did I do to be the one to stay behind? Is it because I didn’t speak up on behalf of my brother Joseph? Because I was complicit in the crime against him? Is it because I along with my brother Levi deceived and attacked the Shechemites after Shechem defiled our sister Dinah? But then why isn’t Levi here with me? Is there something wrong with me?
Why is it taking my brothers so long to return? Wouldn’t they return as soon as they reached home? Wouldn’t they arrive, explain the situation, and immediately depart with Benjamin? Where are they? They could have made the journey home and back at least two times by now.
Did they get robbed or injured? Has something horrible happened to them? Would I have been able to protect them had I been there?
Or did they forget about me? Does my father love Benjamin so much that he’s willing to lose me to save him?
God, So much must be happening outside of these walls, but I don’t know of any of it. I’m oblivious. Please, God, show me what’s happening. The not knowing, the waiting, it’s killing me. Maybe that’s what I deserve, I don’t know. But I’m sorry. I repent of my violence, my anger, my fury. Just please deliver me from this prison!
Genesis 34, 37, 42, 43, 46, 49
Neglected Word 